1988 Rover Mini. Aug 09
Out attempt took place at about 10pm, at a rather tawdry pub called the "Heave & Shove", much favoured by our rugby club. For the record attempt there was me. There was 'Big John' & 'Little John'. Like in Robin Hood, 'Little John' was really big. 'Big John' was the scrum half so he was fairly little.
There were the two Williams - 'Big Willie' and 'Little Willie'. No one is sure how they got their names.
'Beer Belly Bob' was the next in. Thin as a rake except for a 46-inch waist, but he could pull in the tum and fit into 34-inch jeans - we never figured out how he did that.
Then there was 'Vindaloo Vinnie', whose diet consisted almost exclusively of Indian take-aways.
We had a few ladies too. No one objected when 'Busty Brenda' volunteered for the back seat layover. This is the technical term for the final person into the back seat area. Some did suggest that Brenda could find her way into the back seat on autopilot.
There were a few others, but the last one in was 'Penny Pincher'. Real name Penny Davis but called 'pincher' because she thought it humorous to pinch people at each and every opportunity.
The adjudicator (Sam the barman) reckons we were up to eleven when it happened. Penny apparently pinched Bob, who lost concentration and released his tummy muscles. This started a claustrophobic panic chain reaction that culminated in Vinnie suffering an extreme attack of wind brought on by that night's Vindaloo. Brenda screamed out that Big Willie was touching her, so Little John, who was Brenda's boyfriend, hit out, but caught Little Willie by mistake. It was then that the local policeman arrived and promptly said we were all under arrest for disturbing the peace. Actually he cancelled that, saying words to the effect that he wouldn't have us load of tossers in his van even if we had robbed a Great Train.
This would have all taken place in the Swinging Sixties and I think our Mini was several years old by then. I'm thinking it was probably a '61 or '62 model. So that meant basic - a cord to open the doors, sliding side windows, one round instrument for a dash panel, 848cc of engine, and 10 inch wheels. In fact, pretty much the same as the first one had been in 1959.
By the time the Mini production run ended in October 2000, there was a handle to open the door, the windows wound up and the instrument cluster sat in front of the steering wheel. The engine was 1275cc and the wheels were probably the Sports pack 13-inch alloys.
So it's the story of Grandpa's axe - most things changed, but the Mini stayed the same.
The '88 model tested here is somewhere between the two extremes, but fair to say it's more 2000 than 1959. Does that mean it's more 'modern' than 'classic'. No. There is little modern day refinement to be found in an Eighties Mini. In fact, everything we loved about the original Mini is still there - the bumpy ride, go-kart like steering, fabulous parkability and, of course, fun. The seats are now more comfortable (and in very good nick on this example), and the steering wheel is an altogether more acceptable object.
They also fixed the transmission so that it no longer feels like you're poking a stick in a bucket of jelly. The 4-speed auto in this particular model makes it even smoother.
Most reckon the 12-inch wheels are the best size of all and the front disc brakes are a big improvement on the original drums. The 998cc engine is no Cooper S, but the 40hp it puts out keeps most traffic at bay. The addition of Spax suspension (same as what you'll find on a Cooper) means it'll handle as well as it goes, too.
The car is finished in black, with blackout grille and bumpers, and contrasting white roof and white mirrors. The wheelarch flares are a nice touch, and add to the visual appeal.
A substantial set of Kenwood speakers fill the rear parcel shelf, but the radio is standard Mini, as is the rest of the interior, with the exception of a 'crystal' knob on the gear shifter. This one is also fitted with air con too, which will be nice in the summer.
Being an ex-Japan Mini, the whole thing has been well looked after, and is one of two Eighties-era Minis currently in stock, with Spinelli expecting more to come in the next few months.
P.S. Don't try for the record unless you really want footprints on the roof lining - ask Little Willie about that because it was his Mini!
Trevor West
WHAT, WHERE, WHEN & HOW MUCH
Model:Rover Mini
Year:1988
Dealer: Spinelli Classic
1006 Beaudesert Road
Coopers Plains, Brisbane. 4108
Ph: (07) 3274 4663
Web: www.spinelliclassic.com.au
Price: $9,990
0-100 kph:16 seconds
Best point:Smashing little Mini
Worst point:Cramped in the back - nudge,nudge, say no more!
Recommendation: Million times more fun that a similar-priced Jap box. Great street cred for a student
Trivia:Two quotes: (1) Motor Trend 1959 - "With its tiny wheels stuck right out on four corners, any resemblance to any other automobile is purely coincidental". (2) Sir Alec Issigonis - "In two years time, your car will be like a lady's clothes - out of date. My car will still be in fashion when I am dead".
